Saturday, October 12, 2013
Joe Chili - Peacekeeping at World's End
The citizens of LA LA land felt the need for a symbol of law and order, so they pinned a plastic toy sheriff's badge on Joe Chili's chest. Joe took cooking chili seriously, and he took his new job as sheriff seriously too, along with the trust folks put in him.
The timing couldn't have been better, or worse, depending on how you see world's end. Things were changing. A metaphysical and political dilemma was brewing, all wrapped up in a mystery.
Chili chef turned lawman, was Joe the right man for the job at just the right time, or had chaos gained the upper hand?
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Joe Chili, writing stories from world's end.
Joe Chili is dislocated in time, writing about his life from the future. He likes to cook and eat chili. No beans, please. He drives a food truck, bringing a bit of joy into the lives of those left over after the world ended, serving up bowls full of Transcendental Chili.
He's a cook, a philosopher, an entrepreneur, and a survivor. It's strange out there in the future at world's end, and when Joe finds the time, he'll tell you about it. Living in La La Land isn't just wild and wooly, it's downright crazy.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Carl Quiltman Interview and his Amazon Author Page
Carl Quiltman Amazon Author Page
It is rumored that Carl Quiltman was a man noted for his beautiful art quilts before a long arm quilting machine fell on his head while he attempted to repair it for a friend. He was rushed to neural surgery where a steel plate had to be put in his head. Major damage was done to his cerebral cortex.
He could no longer quilt. That area of his brain was mangled into a gray, lifeless jelly. Despite his handicap, he took up writing. He writes what he thinks are quilting mystery stories but are actually bizarre trips into a mind lost to random synaptic electrical storms.
Interviewer: "Carl, why do you write short stories about quilting?"
Carl Quiltman: "Because I love quilts and the folks that make them. I write in the hope that my stories will inspire originality in the art of quilting. I have a vision that beautiful quilts have power to change the world for the better."
Interviewer: "Thanks Carl. You're forever the optimist."
Carl Quiltman: "Or a fool. Some think I'm a Buddha. I change with the barometric pressure."
It is rumored that Carl Quiltman was a man noted for his beautiful art quilts before a long arm quilting machine fell on his head while he attempted to repair it for a friend. He was rushed to neural surgery where a steel plate had to be put in his head. Major damage was done to his cerebral cortex.
He could no longer quilt. That area of his brain was mangled into a gray, lifeless jelly. Despite his handicap, he took up writing. He writes what he thinks are quilting mystery stories but are actually bizarre trips into a mind lost to random synaptic electrical storms.
Interviewer: "Carl, why do you write short stories about quilting?"
Carl Quiltman: "Because I love quilts and the folks that make them. I write in the hope that my stories will inspire originality in the art of quilting. I have a vision that beautiful quilts have power to change the world for the better."
Interviewer: "Thanks Carl. You're forever the optimist."
Carl Quiltman: "Or a fool. Some think I'm a Buddha. I change with the barometric pressure."
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Carl Quiltman, the author, makes an appearance in one of his own stories.
Carl Quiltman makes an appearance in his own story, titled - Gray Handed Quilter. Here is an excerpt where he bares his heart to anyone that will read his story:
Candy heard the door open but didn't lift her eyes from her work. She knew it would be Carl. Natalie had a look on her face of quiet desperation. Annette and Sarah braced themselves for whatever weirdness was coming. Whatever was left of Carl's mental abilities he utilized in writing quilt mysteries. He self published his stories on the Internet. It was sad to see his damaged brain struggling to express one coherent thought. After a longarm quilting machine fell and cracked his skull open like an egg, he was never the same. He entered the room, still dressed in nothing but his food stained bathrobe, and said, 'They trashed me again.”
“What?” Sarah asked, trying to grasp what Carl was talking about. Candy, Annette, even Natalie – his own wife - tried to ignore him. Natalie had to exercise every ounce of her patience in dealing with Carl. She realized his mental problems weren't his fault. They were nobody's fault. He was a victim of chaos, a random accident that could have happened to anyone. Still, Carl annoyed her, which was her own shortcoming – and that annoyed her too.
“My last story. My heart bled to write it. My soul was in it. It was my child. My baby. And they ripped it to shreds, left my baby's body, bloody and beaten, a carcass for the vultures to swoop down and eat.” Carl began to weep. He held his head in his hands and wept with long wailing cries of agony. It annoyed the women, but out of respect for Natalie and Carl's brain damage, they tolerated the interruption.
Natalie said in soothing tones, “That's too bad, Carl. We'll talk about it tonight. Right now, go back home and try to relax.”
Annette put aside her needle. She had lost her creative flow for the moment. Her arthritis. Carl's crying. Put it all together and it was a creativity killer. Annette said, “Look, Carl, don't let it get you down. It doesn't mean anything. Everyone hates something. Everyone loves something. Maybe they don't get what it is you're doing. Some criticizers read quickly and arrogantly, like David Mitchell wrote about in Cloud Atlas.” Annette flinched from a sudden, sharp burst of arthritic pain.
When Carl took his hands from his face and let them fall to his sides, his bathrobe fell off, dropping to the floor in a heap. He didn't seem to notice his nakedness, his gaze never straying from the Lone Star quilt spread across the table. Most of his pudgy body was ignored by the women, except for his one asset - and that was of biblical proportions.
Candy heard the door open but didn't lift her eyes from her work. She knew it would be Carl. Natalie had a look on her face of quiet desperation. Annette and Sarah braced themselves for whatever weirdness was coming. Whatever was left of Carl's mental abilities he utilized in writing quilt mysteries. He self published his stories on the Internet. It was sad to see his damaged brain struggling to express one coherent thought. After a longarm quilting machine fell and cracked his skull open like an egg, he was never the same. He entered the room, still dressed in nothing but his food stained bathrobe, and said, 'They trashed me again.”
“What?” Sarah asked, trying to grasp what Carl was talking about. Candy, Annette, even Natalie – his own wife - tried to ignore him. Natalie had to exercise every ounce of her patience in dealing with Carl. She realized his mental problems weren't his fault. They were nobody's fault. He was a victim of chaos, a random accident that could have happened to anyone. Still, Carl annoyed her, which was her own shortcoming – and that annoyed her too.
“My last story. My heart bled to write it. My soul was in it. It was my child. My baby. And they ripped it to shreds, left my baby's body, bloody and beaten, a carcass for the vultures to swoop down and eat.” Carl began to weep. He held his head in his hands and wept with long wailing cries of agony. It annoyed the women, but out of respect for Natalie and Carl's brain damage, they tolerated the interruption.
Natalie said in soothing tones, “That's too bad, Carl. We'll talk about it tonight. Right now, go back home and try to relax.”
Annette put aside her needle. She had lost her creative flow for the moment. Her arthritis. Carl's crying. Put it all together and it was a creativity killer. Annette said, “Look, Carl, don't let it get you down. It doesn't mean anything. Everyone hates something. Everyone loves something. Maybe they don't get what it is you're doing. Some criticizers read quickly and arrogantly, like David Mitchell wrote about in Cloud Atlas.” Annette flinched from a sudden, sharp burst of arthritic pain.
When Carl took his hands from his face and let them fall to his sides, his bathrobe fell off, dropping to the floor in a heap. He didn't seem to notice his nakedness, his gaze never straying from the Lone Star quilt spread across the table. Most of his pudgy body was ignored by the women, except for his one asset - and that was of biblical proportions.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Rumors About Carl Quiltman
Carl Quiltman writes short stories about quilting. Of all the quilt mystery books available on Amazon with very good reviews, Carl Quiltman suffers from quite a few one star reviews, despite which, he does fairly well in the rankings. Odd.
It is rumored that Carl Quiltman was a man noted for his beautiful art quilts before a long arm quilting machine fell on his head while he attempted to repair it for a friend. He was rushed to neural surgery where a steel plate had to be put in his head. Major damage was done to his cerebral cortex.
He could no longer quilt. That area of his brain was mangled into a gray, lifeless jelly. Despite his handicap, he took up writing. He writes what he thinks are quilting mystery books, which are actually bizarre trips into a mind lost to random synaptic electrical storms.
I tried to interview Carl, but he ran at me with a long knitting needle, threatening to plunge it into my eye. I had to call the police. I was afraid he would hurt himself or someone else.
They let him continue to write his quilting stories in a private mental institution that he now resides in. Carl Quiltman believes the staff are extraterrestrials, creatures with an agenda. A quilting agenda. He believes the aliens want to infuse those intelligent and creative makers of art quilts with a new level of inspiration. He feels that he is their avatar, there cosmic representative, their public relations person.
I am beginning to believe he is just as he believes, and that scares me.
Carl Quiltman on Kindle
It is rumored that Carl Quiltman was a man noted for his beautiful art quilts before a long arm quilting machine fell on his head while he attempted to repair it for a friend. He was rushed to neural surgery where a steel plate had to be put in his head. Major damage was done to his cerebral cortex.
He could no longer quilt. That area of his brain was mangled into a gray, lifeless jelly. Despite his handicap, he took up writing. He writes what he thinks are quilting mystery books, which are actually bizarre trips into a mind lost to random synaptic electrical storms.
I tried to interview Carl, but he ran at me with a long knitting needle, threatening to plunge it into my eye. I had to call the police. I was afraid he would hurt himself or someone else.
They let him continue to write his quilting stories in a private mental institution that he now resides in. Carl Quiltman believes the staff are extraterrestrials, creatures with an agenda. A quilting agenda. He believes the aliens want to infuse those intelligent and creative makers of art quilts with a new level of inspiration. He feels that he is their avatar, there cosmic representative, their public relations person.
I am beginning to believe he is just as he believes, and that scares me.
Carl Quiltman on Kindle
Friday, March 8, 2013
Carl Quiltman's Odd Quilt Tales
These short stories take place within the quilting culture of Southern California. Carl uses these fictional tales to explore human nature, the darkness and the light that exist simultaneously within the human heart. He explores the chaos and randomness that pervade a theistic universe, a universe created by a loving God. A universe where we search for meanings that transcend hardship.
If you are a quilter, don't be afraid to lose yourself in these short, intense stories. Don't expect them to be like any quilting fiction you have read before. Hopefully, they will inspire your next art quilting project to reach a new level of originality.
Short Story Collection
Quilting is Murder
Quilt of Revenge
The Strange Quilter
The Magic Quilt
Quilters in Prison
All the stories above are included in the paperback edition The Odd Quilting Tales of Carl Quiltman
Sunday, February 10, 2013
The Short Quilting Fiction Stories by the Mysterious Carl Quiltman
Who the hell is Carl Quiltman? He comes out of nowhere releasing a barrage of short stories about quilters and quilting, invading the quilt fiction market. His genre bending plot styling confuses the likes of some aficionados of cozy quilt mystery stories.
Carl Quiltman's Kindle books are short and intense, strange yet common. They are stories about quilt makers and quilt lovers, those folks that love all things quilting and the culture that goes along with it. But the stories go beyond that, reaching into the surreal at times.
Carl Quiltman's style might best be described as the quilt mystery meets David Lynch. For 99 cents, give these quilt fiction stories a try.
5 stars - Quilting is murder
5 stares - Quilt of Revenge
5 stars - The Strange Quilter
5 stars - The Magic Quilt
Carl Quiltman's Kindle books are short and intense, strange yet common. They are stories about quilt makers and quilt lovers, those folks that love all things quilting and the culture that goes along with it. But the stories go beyond that, reaching into the surreal at times.
Carl Quiltman's style might best be described as the quilt mystery meets David Lynch. For 99 cents, give these quilt fiction stories a try.
5 stars - Quilting is murder
5 stares - Quilt of Revenge
5 stars - The Strange Quilter
5 stars - The Magic Quilt
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